Am I a lost sheep, lost coin or lost son?

I'm on a roll here with old blogs so I figured I write a new one to keep it fresh. Lately, I've been delving into who I really am. I am by no means a mature Christian. Here's an admission for you - I was "lost in the wilderness" (not going to church, not caring about my faith, wanting to be away from the church - specifically the Korean-American church and the cliques I saw and still see) for about the last 2-3 years before the beginning of this year. I went on my own path and became comfortable being alone. For many years, it's been a daily struggle to see who I really am or try to figure out my inner self. I've looked in the mirror and have felt so many different emotions/feelings on a daily basis. I'd be a sensitive soul one day or ice cold another. I'd be vulnerable the other and withdrawn the next. You would think after a certain age that you could be able to predict who you are but I hadn't been able to yet...

...I'm not full of regret for my inabilities or inadequacies. I let the outside world and people be my primary influence for such a long time. That's what drove me until I closed myself off to the church. I lived my life knowing that people didn't care for me, didn't like me, or want me around them and their friends and that affected and bothered me in the past to the point of tears. In the end, I know who loves me which is why one of my last QTs (Luke 15) was a great reminder that no matter where or who I am, Jesus is always with me.

Luke 15 talks about the parables of the lost sheep, lost coin and prodigal son. God is embodied in all three parables as the one who takes care of us when we stray, don't care, go missing/lost, become dirty, or are just miserable and weak. As a shepherd, he tries to guide us the right way and even when we stray, he will carry us back to the flock. As the owner of the coin, he rejoices when he finds the lost coin with all his angels. As our Father, he is so happy when we come back after we fail so miserably on our own (like myself) that he accepts us for our failures and still wants to celebrate by having a big feast. I am all three of these. I am a wretched, imperfect creature who has much to work on but God still loves and celebrates with me when I come back to Him.

My hope is that you are with Him. I hope you understand his love. Even if you are or feel excluded from anything, know that Jesus' love is all you need.