The tongue

One of my favorite passages is from James 3.  It is about taming the tongue. 

¹ Not many of you should become teachers, my fellow believers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly. ² We all stumble in many ways. Anyone who is never at fault in what they say is perfect, able to keep their whole body in check.
 ³ When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. ⁴ Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. ⁵ Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. ⁶ The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.
 ⁷ All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and sea creatures are being tamed and have been tamed by mankind, ⁸ but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.
 ⁹ With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. ¹⁰ Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be. ¹¹ Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? ¹² My brothers and sisters, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water.

It's so amazing how we can bless and curse with such a small part of our body.  How many times do we say something that is wrong or make fun of someone and watch it change a whole conversation or mood?  How often do we sit there and not say something positive to a brother or sister when all they need is a encouraging or motivating word. 

I'm guilty of these charges.  

I'm working on being more positive but I don't want to be fake about it.  Many times I just need to be quiet because I steer myself away from what is good when I talk.  This passage shows us that if all we do is talk nonsense or wrong then that's what will come out more often than not. My prayer is that I be more positive vocally to people and appreciate them more.

I implore and ask you all to think about being positive, motivating, encouraging to those who are down or with friends.  Think before you joke or put people down...I do believe we are a thin skinned people but that's another blog for another time.  Even still, just remember what you say can leave a lingering effect no matter what it was meant for.  I challenge all 3 of my readers to set the ship right, produce fresh water, and product fruit not something that's rotten....

Beating down depression

I was a depressed soul.  I have been a ball of emotions throughout my life.  I spent much of my life trying to be accepted by anyone and everyone.  I tried to become people or copy what I thought was right but none of it ever fit.  I started feeling horrible about myself at 16.  I became a pill popper off and on for almost 10 years starting at 19 to 20 years old.  I've even spent time in a psychiatric clinic and it was one of the most humbling experiences in my life.  I felt like I had nowhere to run or go for such a long time.  There were points in my life where I contemplated suicide or just didn't care about my life.  I felt like I had to run away from everything to get anywhere.

I'd love to be more specific on why I was depressed and so full of anxiety.  I will say that traumatic moments never help, broken relationships hurt deeply and a lack of confidence, self-esteem & self-worth will bring you down. I had all of these effect me and they buried me more into my introverted self.

That being said, this entry is not about wallowing in self-pity and only reflecting on the past but this entry is about how I'm beating down depression.  Life is not about being depressed or being negative all the time.  Life is a great and awesome gift from God.  Life is an opportunity to do something worthwhile and amazing.  I've tried to fill my life with so many things other than Jesus.  Now I'm on a detox from many of these things that have hindered me in life.  I'm trying to continue to find joy in little parts in my life.  I'm trying to treasure more and more I see and experience.  I have a job where I see hope of bright futures all the time and I'm seeing effects that I never would have ever thought I would have contributed to.  God's grace has been everywhere and it's like I needed to get out from under the umbrella to feel the downpour.  Better late than never...and I'm not guessing I just know because I'm jumping up and down like I lived in a desert for 30 years.

Externally, I don't show much emotion but internally, I'm bursting with happiness and joy for others or sadness for those in need (my kids think I am a robot in school but I'm enjoying their conversations too).  Trust me, I'll smile for you so just prod me to show more emotion because it's been a learning process.  If I scare you because I share too much, that's fine because I love you as my brother and sister in Christ.  I'm done judging and I'm done trying to fit in because I've found where I need to be...not at a group outing, not on pictures on Facebook or reading about life in 140 words or less on Twitter but with God - my rock and foundation.  It's been easier to beat down depression with God on my side. 

This is not a look at me moment but this is about sharing and caring.  I pray that when you get into a time when you are hurting that you turn to God with purpose of healing instead leaving your issues inside where Satan can fester and grow.  God's love conquers all.

As always, thanks for reading.
-CP

More random thoughts for March

- Hot yoga is tiring at first but gave me tons of energy later that night and the next morning (I actually woke up at 3:45 went back to sleep and still felt good at 5:15 when I finally woke up).  I feel revived but sore in my hamstrings.  I now know what a yoga block is used for and how inflexible I am.  I know to eat something before 90 minutes of hot yoga and to drink a ton of water before going into a 107 degree room for that long.  I will do this again next weekend because I am probably a little crazy.

- I hate grading essays.  They are the bane of my existence.  The kids hate writing them and I hate grading them.  If you're asking, I have no choice but to grade them and that is all.

- One more resolution update, I am down 5-6 lbs from the beginning of the year.  My goal is about 18 lbs by this December and to keep it off (less eating out, more exercise, smaller portions, divvying out food throughout the day but not really watching what I eat except for fast food excluding Chick-fil-a...horrible grammar, I know already).  I though I plateaued 2 weeks ago but fasting helped a lot and went down even more but man, fasting is hard.  I suck at not trying to think about eating.

- I use an electronic toothbrush (Oral-B Triumph).  I cannot brush with a regular toothbrush anymore.  My teeth are not as clean with the non-electric toothbrush.  It sucks compared to an electronic toothbrush.  I get a regular toothbrush every time I go to the dentist and now I have a stack of them.  Anybody want a free toothbrush?

- I wore my retainer for about 10 years.  It broke on me when I was 25.  My teeth shifted a tiny bit but are relatively straight.  Many of my friends stopped wearing them after one year.  They've got jacked-up teeth again.

- I love sleep.  I've been falling asleep within five minutes of putting my head on the pillow every night for a while.  It's just hard to get up many times when the alarm hits 5 AM (except last night but that's the first point today)....

- How I am feeling these days - great.  5-6 years ago - not so great and pretty much depressed.  I'll touch on this topic next weekend because I'm leaving you hanging to come back and read...well, that is, if you read anything that's posted here.

If this was tl;dr, that's fine.  Until then have a great week,
-CP

Reviewing a few resolutions

I'm going to start by saying God is good.   I've been blessed this year in a different way.  Not something that I can see so easily but it's just been all over.  It's been amazing.  I don't know if it has to do with age/maturity or acceptance of the way life is but I'm grateful for so much.

My SG is awesome.  God keeps tweaking me when I study and read his word in prep for SG.  The book of James is speaking to me.  I do not feel overburdened being a SG leader because I thought I would but then he gives me peace as I prepare and go into SG.  I just hope I'm not boring to the guys.

I asked God for the strength and will to fast more this year.  He's given me plenty of reason to do so and it's hard.  My year long fast is going well and that ends in July but I did my first food fast yesterday and I felt like I could've done better in spending time with him.  I'm going to do this again in 2 weeks with some written goals on what to pray about and study the night before.  I want to add things like TV and the internet for that day too.  His strength, not mine....

My job is tiring but that's been another blessing.  I've been getting rocked with work but it's not like I'm suffering like I did my first few years.  I will say that having a community of friends of church helps relieve a lot of stress or whatever I have on the weekends.  Compassion to my students has been tougher but I did have a student who just lost his father to a heart attack and that hurts a lot because the student is such a nice kid.  I cannot imagine losing my dad at 16, 17 or 18 years old.  Please pray for him.

Devotionals have not stayed in the morning but they are happening consistently.  Many older brothers are keeping me accountable and grateful for what I have.  I'm in a group with guys I really respect.  The next step is to improve the prayer life.  Sometimes, I can't pray for a long time and I'll just listen in on other prayers out loud to follow them. 

I will not say this year is flying by per se but I will that it's been amazing.  Anytime I've asked God this year, he's provided and even if I think it's a simple request, he's still taken care of it (roommate, finances, 2nd job, help at work, rest, family, etc.).  I do not know what the future holds for the summertime and beyond this year but I'm looking forward to whatever God has in front of my life....

-CP